Again
by Lady Kino
Summary: Eleven years after her trip to the Spirit World, Chihiro has moved on and gone to collage.  Haku comes to visit, and finds Chihiro with a new boyfriend.
1. The Past

Again

Ch. 1 – The Past Returned

~By Mako-chan

Disclaimer:  I don't own Spirited Away or any of its characters.  But you already knew that.  If I did, why would I be writing a fanfic?

            "Sen. Hey, Sen."

            Emiko pinched my arm, hard.

            "Ow!  Emi that hurt!"

            "What are you staring at?  Or should I say _who_?"

            I smiled.  Emi knew me too well.  "That one."

            "Which one?"

            "That one.  The one in the red shirt."

            "Him?  The American looking one?

            "Yeah."

            "Good choice.  But won't dragon boy get jealous?"

            "Shut up."

            We both giggled.  Emi and I met at a social event for singles arranged by the college we both went to.  We both failed to find dates, but became fast friends.  Soon, we were spending our free Sundays together, hunting for prospective boyfriends. 

            "How come I let slip, just once, that I had an imaginary friend and you never let me forget it?  Do you really enjoy torturing me that much?"

            "But you said you _loved_ him," she teased.

            "Puh-lease.  A ten-year-old doesn't know what love is."

            "According to my mother, neither does a twenty-year-old."

            I glanced back at my chosen man.   "Yeah, but Mr. American over there is so cute, I don't really care."

            Emi laughed.  "So go get him."

            "Okay, okay," I laughed nervously as she pushed me toward him.  A million pick-up lines flew through my head and were dismissed.  Directness had always been my strong point.  The man was looking in the window of a souvenir shop.

            "See anything good?"

He turned to look at me.  His pale blue eyes matched his light blond hair perfectly.

"What?"

_Oh, right,_ I thought.  _He's a tourist.  _"Do you see anything you like?" I asked again in my heavily accented English.

"No, not much," he answered in broken Japanese.

"My name's Chihiro, and my English is pretty good if you can't speak Japanese."

"Thanks.  I was getting kind of tired of speaking like a three year old."  He held out a hand.  "I'm Mark."

I took his hand and shook it.  "Mak?"  The English 'r' was a bit hard for me to pronounce.

He laughed.  A warm, hearty laugh that made you want to smile when you heard it.  "Yeah, that's close enough."

"Are you vacation?"

"Nope."  He shook his head, making his blond hair fall into his eyes.  "I'm studying abroad.  My college sent me here on an exchange program."  He brushed his hair back and tucked it back behind one ear.  It flopped forward again.  "I just got here a few days ago."  
            "Oh.  Where are you from?  I can't quite place your accent."

"Hemshire."

I looked at him quizzically, and he laughed again.

"Yeah, no one's heard of it.  It's a really little town in northern England."

"Oh."

"Is that your friend?"

I turned around to see Emi waving frantically at me, beckoning me to come over.

"What's she doing?"

"She wants me to come over."

"Oh."

About then I remembered that our 'come-hither' gesture was the same as everyone else's 'go away' gesture.  "Um, yeah.  I'll be right back."

Mark smiled and nodded.  He had such a nice smile.

"What do you want?"

"Why didn't you bring _him_?" she breathed excitedly.  "Never mind.  Come and see."  
            Emi dragged me few feet and pointed.  Across the street, a young man was looking pensively at the window display of a clothing store.

He was beautiful, somehow.  He was tall, well built, with pale, delicate features.  His hair was long, maybe a few inches past his shoulders, pulled back into a ponytail and the deepest shade of black I'd ever seen.  People around him stepped back, not because of the way he looked, but because he carried with him a sense of power.  Everything about this young man made it clear that he was used to handling a great deal of power, and was more than capable of controlling it.

But, even more astonishingly, I knew this man.  I _knew_ that I knew him.  Somehow, somewhere, we'd met before.

"Sen.  Hey, Sen."

"What?"  I snapped my attention back to Emi.  She was looking at me with a strange expression.  "Uh, I mean, yeah.  Go for it.  I…uh…I gotta go back to Mak."  
            I hurried back to Mark.  Mark, the Englishman with the lovely smile.

"What was that all about?"

"Uh, nothing.  My friend just needed some uh… emotional support."  
            "Sounds like a hard job," he laughed.  "I'm kinda hungry."  He looked around.  "Is that a café," he asked, surprised.

"Yeah."

"A French-ish café in Japan?"

"Sure.  There's also a McDonald's down the street."

"Really?  I've missed the good old, familiar junk food."

I laughed.  "Come on.  I'll treat, since you're new."

Emi joined us as we sat with our food at one of the few tables in the place.  She was alone, and a bit overly depressed.

"Hey, Emi."

"Hey, Sen. It didn't work," she whined, taking a seat with us at our table

Mark smiled.  "Having trouble with boy, girl?" he managed to ask.

"Yeah, you could say that."  She sighed.  "He totally brushed me off."

"I could might help."

"Really?"  Emi jumped at the chance to get help from a real, live male.

I laughed quietly at her, then stood up suddenly.

"Sen, where are you going?"

"I forgot the ketchup.  How can I eat fries without ketchup?" 

"No, Sen!" Emi cried, grabbing my arm.  "You can't leave!  Who's going to translate for us?"

I laughed and shook her off.  "I'll be right back."

I saw the man coming from a mile away.  He was hard to miss.  And his intense green gaze was fixed on me.

_I'll just ignore him,_ I thought nervously, then laughed at myself.  He probably wasn't even looking at me.  I was getting arrogant with all this boy-hunting.

I reached the island with the condiments about the same time he did, though it was clear he meant to walk past it.  But he didn't.  He stopped right behind me.

"I've kept my promise.  Why didn't you wait?" he whispered.  His voice was soft, deep, strangely familiar.

"I don't know what you mean," I whispered back.

"Nothing that happens is ever forgotten.  Rin and Bou miss you.  So do the others."

Rin?  Bou?  "What?"  I turned around, but the man was already gone.  I could see him walking away through the crowd.  Hurriedly, I grabbed a handful of ketchup packages and ran back to the table.

"What was that all about?"

"Huh?"

"You and that guy?  Did you know each other?"

"Uh, no.  He thought I was someone else."

~*~*~*~

            An hour later, the three of us were walking to the bus stop together.  Emi was going home, but I promised to take Mark sight-seeing.  The little university town might not be famous, but it did have a few interesting historical sights, plus some good sights only a native would know.

            As we walked to the bus stop, I saw him.  He just looked at me.  He didn't look sad or accusing or anything.  He just stared.  I looked back and, for maybe a fraction of a second, we made eye contact.  Then he turned and walked away.  It wasn't much, but it was enough to send shivers up my spine.

            "Sen?"  Mark had already started to call me by my nick-name.  I didn't mind.  It was easier to pronounce.  "Coming?"

            "Yeah."

            I flirted shamelessly with Mark all day.  He didn't seem to mind.

~*~*~*~

            I dated Mark for about a month.  I knew it was a bad idea.  Somewhere in my mind I knew I didn't really like this man.  But I wouldn't admit it: either to him or to myself.

            His Japanese improved quite rapidly and soon I no longer had to translate for him when we went out.  And we went out quite often.  When we met, I'd fallen in love with his smile.  Just seeing it made me want to smile.  But Mark was too simple. He would smile all the time and laugh at anything.  It was nothing special.  It wasn't hard to find.  To have him smile at me was nothing.  So it lost its charm.  So did he.

            Yet, we still went out.  And everywhere we went, _he_ was there.  Sometimes he would be there before we arrived, or walk past us on the way.  He'd watch me, silently, passively, until I acknowledged his presence, then he'd walk away.

~*~*~*~

            Early that spring I took Mark to the cherry blossom festival.  We took blankets and a picnic lunch to the park and sat under the sakura trees just like so many other couples.  It should have been romantic, but I was totally bored.  Mark didn't really care about the delicate beauty of the sakura blossoms or the intricate, subtle traditions that went with them.  He smiled and laughed and played along anyway.  I would have too, but my heart really wasn't in it, and my mind was elsewhere.

            Where was my mystery man?  I caught myself looking for him as we walked through the park, then sharply reminded myself that I didn't like this man.  I immediately turned my attention back to Mark, telling him about the festival traditions.  I lost interest in that soon enough and went back to scanning the crowds, looking for that familiar back ponytail.

            "Sen?"

            "Huh?  Yes, Mak?"

            "Who are you looking for?"

            "Uh…no one."

            Mark frowned slightly, an unusual expression for him.  "Is something wrong?  You've been acting strangely today."

            "Oh, I'm just tired.  I, uh, I was up really late last night working on a paper."

            "Oh."  Mark didn't exactly look convinced, but he shrugged and dropped the subject.  "When's the parade?"

            "Soon.  Let's go get a good seat for it."

            The parade came and went.  We walked through the park, then went out for dessert.  I kept an eye out all day, but _he_ never showed up.

~*~*~*~

            I cancelled on Mark the next day.  We were supposed to go to lunch, but I claimed illness.  My kitchen was empty, however, so I went out anyway.

            I sat at the small café, poking discontently at my salad.

            "Is this seat taken?"

            I looked up.  It was _him._

            "Uh…no."

            He sat.  He didn't eat.  He didn't speak.  He didn't do anything.  Just sat and stared.  I ate nervously, glancing up occasionally at the strange man.

            "What?"

            He smiled at me.  I got even more nervous.

            "You hungry?"

            "No."

            A few moments of silence passed between us.

            "Why are you following me?" I asked suddenly.

            "Because you're always running from me."

            "Well, couldn't you just take the hint?"

            "No."

            A few more moments of silence.

            "Where were you yesterday?"

            He smiled again.  That small, slight smile that was more of a grin really.  "Why?  Did you miss me?"

            A full minuet of silence.  I had missed him.  No, that wasn't it.  He was just part of my routine.  I didn't like my routine being broken.  That was it.

            "No," I whispered.  I wanted to sound defiant.  I failed.

            He stood to leave.

            "Wait.  Who are you?"

            He glanced at me, his green eyes so full of sadness I felt strangely ashamed.  "Kohaku.  But you used to call me Haku."

            I sat, stunned into silence, watching him leave.

            "Stop following me!"

~*~*~*~

            Mark called me that evening.  "Sen?"

            "Yes, Mak?"

            "Um, I don't think this is working out"

            "Huh?"

            "You don't want to date me."

            No, I didn't, but I wasn't about to tell him.  "Why do you say that?"

            "I saw you today at the café."

            Oh.

            "So who is he?"

            "No!  It's not like that!  He's … he's…"

            "Yeah, save it.  Thanks for everything, Sen. Bye."

            He hung up.

~*~*~*~

            "You told," I hissed in Emi's ear at school the next day.

            "Told what?"

            "That black-haired guy, remember him?"

            "Yeah," she said slowly.

            "He's been following me.  Yesterday I talked to him and he claimed to be Haku."

            "Your dragon-boy?"

            "Haku doesn't exist!  He's a figment of my imagination!  And you're the only person I've ever told, so he must have heard it from you!"

            "But Sen, I never told anyone.  Why on Earth would I want to?"

            "Don't lie to me!"  I was hysterical, on the verge of tears.  "Why?"

            "I didn't!  Sen-"

            "Shut up."  I felt a few tears spill over and wiped them away, then turned and ran.  Half way down the hall I barreled head first into Mark.

            "Sen?  Wha-"

            Forget Mark.  Who cares about Mark?  I dodged around him and kept running.

            I slowed down outside the building, paused for just a moment to catch my breath.  _He_ was there, standing right next to me.

            "AAAHG!"  I jumped away.  "What do you want?"

            "Why did you do that?" he asked, looking concerned.

            "Because you scare me!  Go away!"

            "You shouldn't blame your friend like that."

            "Then who told you about Haku!"

            "I _am_ Haku."

            "No!"  I started to cry again.  "You don't exist."

            "Yes I do."  He reached out to touch my shoulder.  I flinched and backed away from him, from his touch.

            "No!  You don't exist.  I've never been to a bathhouse.  There are no gods, no witches, no giant babies!  It was all just a silly ten-year-olds' dream."

            "You've changed, Chihiro."

            "Of course I have!  I'm not some silly, naïve, selfless little child anymore."  I stopped.  A little sob escaped.  "Like you would know.  You're not Haku!"

            I spun around, about to run away.

            "How did you get your nick-name, Chihiro?"

            I ran.  I didn't even bother with the bus.  I just ran all the way home.

            "I'm such a loser," I cried to myself, curled up on my couch at home.

            What was it about this boy?  Why did he insist that he was Haku?  And why did it bother me s much?  He seemed so familiar.

            The bathhouse didn't exist.  It couldn't have.  I'd held on to that dream for years, had almost convinced myself that it _was_ real.  I'd searched for weeks in the forest, looking for the amusement park.  But it wasn't there.  It didn't exist.  It couldn't.

            I sighed, all cried out for the moment, and my stomach took that as an opportunity to rumble.  The kitchen was still empty, so I decided to go out, and then quickly changed my mind.  A trip to the super-market was long overdue.  Besides, I really didn't want to repeat the café experience.

            As I walked through the isles, squeaky buggy fighting me all the way, I thought about my Spirit World.  I remembered Kamaji, the cranky, kindly old boiler room man, and Rin, my short-tempered friend.  I remembered Yu-Baba, her baby Bou, her sister Zeniba.  I remembered them fuzzily, with little bits and pieces of the story missing, as if it were a real childhood memory.  And I remembered Haku.

                        Haku, with the long black hair and deep green eyes.  Haku, the river spirit without a home.  Haku, who looked just like the stranger following me now.  No wonder the young man was so unnerving.  He looked just like Haku.  Or, he would have looked just like him, if Haku really existed.

            I walked home slowly, heavy laden with bags, mind still spinning.  The more I thought about the bathhouse, the more I remembered; little details about the boiler room and Zeniba's cottage and Yu-Baba's office.  I remembered my first time in that office, when Yu-Baba gave me my contract and took my name.

            _"How did you get your nickname?" _

            I heard the boy's question again, but that couldn't be the answer.  Yu-Baba did not give me my nickname because she did not exist.  But then who did?  I tried to remember.  I tried, and failed.  Someone must have given it to me.  My friends before the move didn't, yet I clearly remembered giving the name 'Sen' at my new school.  So who nicknamed me?

            The weight of the bags lessened suddenly.  I looked up.  _He_ was there, tugging persistently at one handful of bags.  I held on stubbornly.

            "What do you want?"

            "To help you."

            "Help?  You've done nothing but cause trouble for me since I met you!  Leave me alone!"

            He wouldn't let go of my bags, so I jerked them from his grip.

            "I can carry them myself," I huffed and walked briskly away from him, but he kept pace with me.

            "I'm sorry, Chihiro, for not coming sooner.  We've missed you at the Abura-ya.  Even Yu-Baba."

            A thought struck me suddenly and I stopped.  "How do you know about Yu-Baba?  I told Emi about Haku, but NOONE kew about Yu-Baba.  Or Rin.  Or Bou."

            "But I know."  He reached out to touch me again.  "It was real, Chihiro.  You didn't dream it up.  Please listen to me."

            "No!  No, stop it!  Leave me alone!"  I dropped my bags, covered my ears and ran all the way home.

            I didn't cry.  I'd cried far too much lately.  Later that evening I found my groceries on my doorstep.  The milk was still cold.

~*~*~*~

            "Moshi-moshi?"

            "Mom?"

            "Chihiro!"  Mother sounded especially glad to hear from me, which wasn't too surprising since I hadn't called her in quite a while.  "How are you?"

            "Um, good."  Small talk wasn't really my style, so I just asked her.  "Mom, where'd I get my nickname?"

            "Huh?  Well the knaji-"

            "No, I know that, but who started calling me 'Sen'?"

            "You did, dear."

            "Me?"

            "Yes, right after we moved when you were in the 5th grade, you suddenly insisted everyone start calling you 'Sen.'"

            "Really?"

            "Yes."  She paused.  "Don't you remember that move?  That was when the movers got to the house a week before us."

            "What?"

            "Yeah.  No one could figure out how that happened."

            "Oh.  I see."  I felt like my mind was shutting down.

            "Chihiro, honey, by the way, I was going through your stuff the other day and I found this hair-tie.  It was wrapped up like it was something special.  Do you remember it?"

            Why did everyone want me to remember stuff?  Why couldn't the past stay where it was supposed to?  "No Mom.  I guess you can throw it out if you want."

            "Oh."  Mom sounded a little disappointed.  "Okay.  How's school going?"

            "Uh, okay I guess…"

~*~*~*~

            _A week late_.  We'd gotten lost in the woods.  My parents turned into pigs.  The hair-tie, made by Granny and my friends.  The deal with Yu-Baba.  Going home. All the missing pieces, all the bits I'd forced myself to forget, finally came back.  Everything.  All the things we'd said.  Even one broken promise.  _You've changed Chihiro_.

            I went to the café the next day.  The same one where Mark had seen me talking to Haku.  I ordered a salad and sat down.  Same seat.  Same table.  I sat and waited, staring at my salad.

            "Is this seat taken?"

            "Go ahead."  I didn't look up.  I knew it was Haku.  I knew he'd show up.

            "Trying to make a point?"

            "No.  Whatever gave you that idea?"  I glanced up.  Haku was smiling.  "Just trying to get your attention."

            "Well, you've got it."

            I hesitated.  I remembered him mad.  Haku mad was not a good thing.  But really, I wanted him to keep smiling.  It wasn't something he did much.

            "You said I'd changed."  He stopped smiling.  "Eleven years ago I fell in love.  At least, I think I did.  But I was only ten, so I didn't know it."

            He opened his mouth, like he was about to speak.

            "No, let me finish.  You said it, and Mom said it too.  I changed.  I stopped being so selfless and trusting or something like that.  She thought it was just puberty.  But this boy I fell in love with, he made a promise that we'd meet again.  I waited three years for him to keep that promise.  When I finally gave up, when I decided he must have broken his promise, I learned not to trust people.  You can't trust people who make crazy promises.  They never keep them."  I poked at my salad, still refusing to look at him.  "Eventually I convinced myself that this boy didn't even exist."  I paused and sighed.  "I was wrong.  You've kept your promise.  But like you said, I've changed.  So have you."  I stood to leave and finally raised my head to look him in the eye.  "Give my love to the others.  I miss them, but I've grown up.  I've moved on.  I have a life now.  Without you."  I could see the pained look in his eyes and looked away.  "Goodbye Haku."

            I forced myself to look strait ahead as I walked away, never once looking back.

~*~*~*~

            _Bring.  Bring._

            "Hello?"

            "Mak?"

            "Hello Sen."

~End Ch 1~


	2. Lost

Again

Ch 2 – Lost

~by Mako-chan

Disclaimer: Yada-yada. I don't own Spirited Away. Didn't we already go through this?

__

Bring! Bring!

"Hello?"

"Mak?"

"Hello Sen."

"Can we talk?"

"Go ahead."

"No, I mean face-to-face. Can we meat somewhere?"

"I guess."

"Um…I'll come over. Unless that's not okay."

"No, that's fine."

"I'll see you in a few minuets then."  
"Yeah."

I stopped by the souvenir shop where we'd met on the way over. I bought one of the Japan guidebooks I'd caught him coveting a month ago. He'd get a kick out of it.

On the way over, gift tucked safely under arm, I thought carefully about what I was going to say. Our relationship had ended awkwardly. I wanted to settle things, to put a definite end to the whole affaire. 

"Hey Sen." Mark smiled as he opened the door. I remembered Haku's smile. "Come in."

"Here." I offered him the book before coming in.

"Oh, you didn't have to." He took it anyways. "I mean, I know it's tradition or what not, but you really didn't have to."

"I know. I wanted to."

He looked at it and smiled. Then he laughed. "Cute, Sen. I love it."

We walked to his couch and sat down.

"Look, I don't want you to get the wrong idea or anything. I didn't come over to try and make up."

He looked suddenly relieved, which made me mad. At least Haku had the decency to look sad when I left him. Not that we were even going out in the first place. 

"I just wanted to apologize. That guy you saw me with, he's an old friend of mine. An old, um, boyfriend. I guess I was using you. Either to make him jealous or to prove I'd gotten over him, or something. I'm not really sure."

I looked up. Mark didn't seem the least bit angry or annoyed.

"Uh, well, I just wanted to say I'm really sorry. And it's not like the other guy was the _only_ reason I went out with you. But you're right; it wasn't really working out between us."

"I understand, I guess. No hard feelings, okay?"

"Yeah."

I couldn't believe it! I'd just admitted to him that I'd used him, treated him like an object, and lied to him for the past month! He wasn't even a tiny bit sad or angry. He looked happy! I shifted nervously on the couch.

"Well, I guess I'd better go."

We both got up and stood in awkward silence.

"Well, good luck with what's-his-name."

"It's Haku. His name's Haku. And it's defiantly over between us."

"Oh, right. Uh, bye."

He hugged me, out of habit I guess. I didn't mind too much. Then I saw it, hanging by a peg on the door.

"Hey, isn't that Emi's coat?"

Mark spun around and caught sight of the offending garment. "Uh… Well, see, she was here earlier and uh, I mean, she was real worried about you cause you were acting all weird and stuff, you know?" He walked over and took the coat off the hook. "Here." He held it out to me and offered a tentative smile. "Maybe you should take it. I won't see her again for a while, right?"

"Uh, yeah, sure." I took the coat and smiled. "See you at school." I waved goodbye and left the apartment. Mark nervously watched my departure. 

I walked slowly on the way home, mind working furiously. Mark obviously had an interest in Emi. He'd shown more interest in her coat than in me breaking up with him. That would explain his odd behavior and the sudden breakup. The question was did Emi share his sentiments?

~*~*~*~

"Emi!"

I raced across the college hall to my friend. She smiled.

"Hey, Sen. Decided to come to school today?"

"Yeah. I figured I'd better learn something since my parents are paying for all this."

"You don't _have_ to leech off your parents. You could get a job like me."

We laughed as we walked out of the school together. It'd been a long time since I'd had a chance to laugh.

"So, uh, Mark said you talked about the Haku thing. He said you said it was over?"

"Yeah. Listen, Emi, I'm really sorry for yelling at you like that. It wasn't your fault or anything. It's just, well, I-"

"Oh, whatever. Just forget about it. It's fine."

My good mood vanished when I saw the blush on my friends' cheek. A blush that wasn't for our fight the other day, but for Mark. We walked along under the ugly dark autumn clouds, leaning against the wind.

"Maybe we should go out for lunch," Emi suggested.

"Only if you're paying, Miss I've-got-a-job."

"No way. I'm broke. Don't you have any money, Miss I'm-bumming-off-my-parents?"

"Nope."

"Well, we've got to eat something."

"We could just go home and have some nice, sensible sandwiches."

"All right. Lead the way, Sen."

Back in my one-bedroom apartment, Emi and I fixed humble sandwiches and watched silly game shows. Emi moved about nervously as we fixed our lunch. In fact, she was more nervous than she really should have been. 

"So Sen, what should we watch?"

"Oh…whatever. You pick something. I'm going to go get a drink."

"Okay."

I felt a slight pang of regret as I opened the refrigerator door and saw the milk Haku had saved from spoiling.

"Sen? You okay?" I looked up. Emi stood over me with a quizzical look on her face.

"Huh? Yeah. Why?"

"Well, you're just standing there, staring in the fridge."

"Oh." I closed the door, then quickly opened it again and pulled out the milk jug.

"What were you thinking about?" Emi asked.

"Nothing."

"Oh." Emi walked back into the living room, clearly puzzled.

And then it hit me. I guess I'd always known, even Mark's apartment, but something in me simply didn't want to admit it. Emi and Mark didn't want me to know they liked each other. They didn't want me to find out they'd been dating. I almost laughed. How could I have missed it? My boyfriend and my best friend, and I was so preoccupied with Haku I hadn't even noticed. Not until now.

I carried my drink into the living area. A couple of guys were doing a bungee jumping stunt for a mere million yen. I shuddered. The money wasn't nearly good enough in my opinion.

We ate in silence for a while. I could tell I was making Emi nervous. I kept staring at her, wondering how long she'd been going behind my back. Finally she put down her plate, turned around, and looked me in the eye.

"What do you want?"

"Oh, I was just wondering how long you and Mak have been going out."

Her eyes grew huge and she looked surprised and terrified, and a bit angry, all at the same time. "Sen, I uh…how…when did you find out?"

"Yesterday. Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm not quite as dumb as you both think. So how long has this been going on?"

"Look, you didn't even like him. Everyone could tell."

"Doesn't matter. It's the principle of the thing. You just don't go around dating your best friend's boyfriend!"

"Well-"

"How long?"

She sighed. "Maybe two weeks ago."

"I see." We sat in silence for a while. After about three minutes I got up and fished Emi's coat out of the closet. "Here. You left this at Mak's house. I think it's about time for you to go home now."

She got up and took the coat from me, then left without another word, giving me an evil look as she went.

I sighed and carried our dishes into the kitchen. About halfway through cleaning up I finally broke down and cried.

~*~*~*~

I ended up back at the café. Some how everything happened at that café. I half expected Haku to show up. Part of me really wanted to see him again, to run to him and apologize. The other part of me wanted to see him again, too. The other part of me wanted to punch him in the face.

Haku. He started this whole thing. He couldn't have just come out and talked to me. No, he had to sneak around, make me paranoid, and ruin my relationship with two good friends. And with him. And why did he wait _eleven years_ to keep his promise? It was all Haku's fault, yet I still really wanted to see him.

"Can I sit here?"

Haku?! No. I looked up and saw Emi. She seemed sad.

I stared silently at my cup. She sat anyway.

"So, um, are you going home for the fall break next week?"

I hadn't really thought about it, but a week at home sounded nice.

"Uh, I think I'll probably to stay here. But, like, there's not much to do here, ya know?"

Did she think I'd just forget about everything if she made small talk?

"I'm sorry, Sen. Really. Please-"

I wasn't going to listen to this, the ramblings of a stranger. I stood up and left, never looking back.

~*~*~*~

_Bring! Bring!_

The phone was ringing. What did I care? The machine would get it.

_Bring! Bring! Beep!_

Sen? Sen, pick up. It's me, Emi. Come on Sen, I know you're there. Okay, fine, but just listen to me. I'm really sorry. I – we never meant to hurt you. Please pick up, Sen. I'm-

The machine cut her off. Good. I was getting sick of listening to that slut. I hugged my pillow closer. Perhaps a week at my parents would be good for me.

~*~*~*~

Mother was excited to hear from me, and very glad that I wanted to spend my vacation time with her.

"But what about your friend," she asked. "What was her name, Emiko?"

I paused, glad that Mom couldn't see my expression over the phone. "Uh, well, she's going to spend time with her family, too."

"Oh, I was hoping you'd bring her along. It's always been so hard for you to make friends. I'm glad you found a nice girl like Emiko."

"Yeah." I forced myself to sound cheerful. "She's great. I'll see you tomorrow. Don't forget to pick me up, okay? My train gets there at two."

"I won't forget. Bye Chihiro."

"Bye Mom."

~*~*~*~

Emi was waiting for me at the station. I'll never know how she knew to be there.

"Sen, please. Can we talk?"

"Excuse me. I'm going to miss my train."

"No you won't." She paused and took a deep breath. "Mark told me what you said to him. How can you get mad at me when you did something like that to Mark?"

I was just going to walk away, but her words hit a bit close to home. They made me angry, defensive.

"I didn't mean to hurt him," I screamed. "And I didn't! He didn't even care! Did he tell you that? Did he say 'Yeah and when she was done I just sat and smiled like a moron?' How dare you try to make me feel guilty! As far as you knew I really liked Mak, and you went ahead and dated him anyway."

"I-"

"I don't want to hear it. I don't care. I hate you!"

How pathetic. I was throwing a fit in public, like a small child. But I didn't care. I ran away.

"Sen!"

Emi chased me for a while, but once I found the right train and got on she couldn't follow me.

~*~*~*~

Going home was a mistake. My old home, the blue house on the hill, held many memories of the Abura-ya. I could look out my bedroom window and see the woods that contained the rundown theme park. If I looked carefully, I could even see the road we took when we got lost.

So I didn't look out my window. In fact, I tried as much as possible not to even not to even stay in the house. After quickly unpacking, I went out, visiting old friends, seeing all the familiar places, and reacquainting myself with the town. My parents and I even went out to dinner in one of the towns few nice restaurants. 

But that night, alone in my old room, I wandered unconsciously over to the window and gazed out. The memory of why I was home, again, came flooding back. I'd been pushing it away all day. My chest felt constricted and I struggled to breath without crying. I wasn't some stupid, naïve little girl who cried over everything.

Someone knocked on my door. "Chihiro, dear, can I come in?"

"Yeah, Mom."

She came in and sat on the edge of my bed with me. She held a small brown package in one hand. "It's a nice night out, isn't it?"

"Uh-huh."

"I saw something strange the other night."

"What?"

"Well, I'm not sure. I could have sworn it was a silver dragon."

"A dragon?"

"Yeah. Saw it twice." She smiled and rubbed her eyes with one hand. "Ah, I must be seeing things in my old age."

"You're not _that_ old, Mom."

"Oh, but I _feel_ old." She paused and stared out the window. "It was probably just a plane or something."

"You never know, it may have been a real dragon."

"Come on, Chihiro. Dragons aren't real."

"They might be."

Mom looked at me with a strange little smile. "You haven't believed in those fairy tales since you were a little girl."

I shrugged. "They're only fairy tales when you stop believing in them."

"That's quite a philosophical statement, coming from you, Chihiro."

"Yeah, well…" I shrugged again. "It's true."

Mom gave me the strange look again. "What's gotten into you?"

"Uh, nothing."

She sighed. "Here." She put the brown package in my lap. "I know you said to toss it out, but I saved it anyways."

"Oh. Thanks."

As I started to open it, Mom stood and left. It was wrapped in plain brown paper, tied with brown string. A long time ago I'd drawn pink and red hearts all over it. Inside were layers and layers of pure white tissue paper. I peeled away the layers, one by one, until I thought the whole package was nothing but tissue paper. Finally, I reached the middle and lifted out a sparkling, purple hair-tie.

A hair-tie, made with love by No-Face, Bou, Granny, and Yu-baba's bird.

~*~*~*~

_Bring! Bring!_

"Moshi-moshi." I answered the phone late the next afternoon in a sleepy state of relaxation. I was doing my job as a vacationer, thoroughly enjoying a day full of nothing to do.

"Sen?' It was Emi. She'd been crying.

All the anger and uncertainty of the day before came rushing back. I said nothing.

"He's dead, Sen," Emi sobbed.

"What? Who?" Shock broke my self-imposed vow of silence.

"Mark. He's dead. He was supposed to meet me at the station yesterday. To see you. But he got hit by a car. Sen, it was awful." She stopped talking, trying to get control over her voice again. "He died about an hour ago."

I felt all my anger, all my uncertainty, all my confutation, _everything_ drain out of me as she talked. All of my emotions simply left, leaving behind a cold emptiness that gripped my insides and made me want to collapse in on myself. I couldn't breath. I couldn't speak. I couldn't think.

"Sen? Sen, are you still there? Sen, say something. I'm sorry. Sen, please talk to me!" Emi was crying and screaming at me, but her words simply didn't register in my mind. "Fine! Don't talk! We're having a service for him at the college tomorrow, if you even care." She spat her words at me through the phone, full of hate and despair, and then she hung up.

I let the phone fall from my grasp and walked slowly, zombie like, to my room.

"Chihiro?" my mom called. "Are you still on the phone?"

Couldn't think. Couldn't talk.

"Chihiro?"

Mom knocked on my door, but I didn't even hear her. I just sat on my bed staring silently out the window. At the forest.

~*~*~*~

A little after dinner time, Mom came back and knocked on my door.

"Chihiro, honey? Are you okay?" She opened the door and came in to find me still sitting on the bed. She sat next to me. "Chihiro, what's wrong?"

"Mak died." I surprised myself by sounding calm. I was still empty.

"Oh, Chihiro. I'm so sorry." She started to hug me, but I pulled away.

"He was cheating on me. With Emi. A week, two weeks after I met him, they started." I talked without thinking, like and actor reciting for a play. "At the station, before I left, Emi was there. She was trying to apologize, but I wouldn't listen to her. Mak was supposed to come, too, but he got in an accident. It's my fault. It's my fault he died." Tears formed behind my eyes. My chest felt constricted. I was hot and cold at the same time, shivering in confusion. My head swam. I couldn't think. I couldn't see. I could only talk. But the more I talked, the sicker I felt. Still, I couldn't stop. "He was coming to see me, to apologize. I wouldn't have listened to him, anyways. If I hadn't been so…so stupid and so stubborn this whole thing wouldn't have happened. But I wouldn't listen to them, Mom. I was mad at him and now he's dead."

I couldn't talk around the lump forming in my throat so I simply put my head down on her shoulder and cried. I cried quietly and my whole body shook with suppressed sobs.

Mom put her arm around me and kissed the top of my head. "It's okay," she whispered soothingly.

_It's okay._ But it wasn't okay. Nothing was okay. Nothing! Mark was dead. Haku had disappeared again. Emi wouldn't talk to me. My mother was clueless. Nothing was right! And it was all my fault! I stood up suddenly, breaking out of my mother's embrace. Mom tried to comfort me, but I wouldn't have it. She couldn't do anything. She couldn't understand. I ran.

"Chihiro, wait!"

But I didn't listen to her. I couldn't. My heart was pounding in my ears; hot tears welled up behind my eyes, some spilling over; my head swam. And I ran. Down the stairs, through the house, out the door, into the trees, I ran.

I put everything into that one simple action. I ran as fast and as hard as I could, without thinking. Without thinking about Mark or Emi or Haku. Without thinking about the dark forest or the branches scratching me or the house shoes making me stumble or the cold night wind on my bare arms.

I ran with a single-minded desperation, tears spilling over and leaving wet trails down my cheeks. My foot hit a rock. I stumbles a few more steps, then fell. I looked around in the darkness, completely lost.

Darkness all around me. Trees everywhere. Everywhere! No matter where I looked it was just more trees, more night. I couldn't see, couldn't think, couldn't run, couldn't find my way home.

I was cold, sad, angry, confused, scared, hurt, lost, and completely alone.

End Ch 2


	3. Home

Again Ch 3 – Home

Disclaimer:  Do we really have to do this?  Again?  *sigh* Okay.  I don't own Spirited Away.  Oh, the pain in my heart!  I can't take it!

            Haku woke me.  His presence didn't even startle me.  I stared blankly up at him as he leaned over me, looking concerned.  The pale autumn sun was rising behind him, shining in my eyes.

            "What are you doing here?"

            "You should be home," he stated simply.

            My head felt funny, like it was stuffed with cotton balls.  His words didn't make sense.  "Where am I?"

            "Come on."  He held out a hand to help me sit up.

            As soon as I was vertical, I realized my problem.  My head swam, my stomach rolled, the world spun before my eyes.  Staying out all night, tired, wet, and cold, had made me sick.

            "I-" Bile rose in my throat and I hurriedly gulped, forcing it down.

            Haku took note of my slightly green color and put a hand to my forehead.  "You're sick."

            I nodded my head 'yes,' which only made me more nauseous. 

            "Can you walk?"

            I nodded again, a bit uncertainly, and Haku helped me stand.  I only made it a few steps before I had to stop and throw up.

            "Do you want me to carry you?"

            "No.  I'm okay now," I assured Haku, who was looking extremely concerned.  "Really, I feel much better."  I tried to show him how well I was by walking, but stumbled and fell right into Haku.

            "We need to get you home," he said a bit coldly.  "You've got a fever."

            "Yeah, okay."

            Haku led me home and I had no choice but to follow.  The journey was a bit slow since I couldn't walk very fast, but we finally broke out of the forest and into the neighborhood.  

            Hours later, I woke up in my own bed.  Voices were whispering downstairs, but I couldn't quite make out what they were saying.  My head still felt stuffed with cotton balls, but I was no longer nauseated.  I got up carefully and put my socks on.

            Downstairs, Mother, Father, and Haku were sitting around the kitchen table, dirty dishes scattered over the tabletop.  

            "Chihiro, dear," Mother cried, catching sight of me.  "How do you feel?"

            "Fine," I whispered.

            She frowned and walked over to me.  "You still have a fever."

            I didn't really have an answer to that, so I changed the subject.  "Have you met Haku?"

            He smirked.  For one split second he gave me a grin that was almost devilish.  Blood rushed to my head as I blushed a nice shade of crimson, which, added to my fever, just made me dizzy.

            "Uh, I mean, I guess you have.  I, uh…I…well…uh…is there any more lunch left?"

            "Are you hungry, dear?"

            I nodded, a big mistake, and tried to follow my mother into the kitchen.

            "No, no."  She pushed me into a chair.  "You just sit right there.  I'll make you some soup."

            "Okay," I mumbled meekly, glancing across the table to Haku.  He was smiling smugly, as if enjoying watching me suffer.

            "Uh, Mr. Tanashi was just telling us about his workplace," Father offered, trying to start up the conversation again.  He gave me a strange sidelong look.

            I looked away.  Haku, must have given his name as 'Kohaku Tanashi,' and I'd introduced him as 'Haku.'  Calling him by his nickname must have sounded mighty suspicious to my parents.

            Haku saved me by regaling my father with stories from his 'work-place.'  Apparently, 'Mr. Tanashi' worked in a bathhouse in Tokyo run by his grandmother.  I found myself growing sleepy as he talked about the slightly eccentric customers.  His voice was so soothing.

            As Haku was telling of the very modest American tourist who was determined to take an authentic Japanese bath, Mother came back with my lunch.

            I ate quietly, wondering how much of his story was true, then got up.  Haku jumped out of his seat, walked quickly around the table, and took my dishes from me.

            "I'll get them."

            "Oh."  I just stared at him, a little stunned, as he disappeared into the kitchen.  "Thank you."

            Mother and Father were looking at me, obviously wanting me to explain Haku's presence.  I bailed instead.

            "Uh, I'm going to go clean up."

            Upstairs, I took a quick shower, though I wanted a bath, put up my hair, and put on clean clothes.  Then I changed my clothes.  Then I changed them again.  Then I realized my suitcase simply didn't have what I wanted.

            "Oh, who am I kidding," I muttered, sitting on my bed.  'Here I am,' I thought.  'A silly little child with a head cold trying to impress a boy who probably hates me by now.'  A wave of guilt washed over me.  'And what about Mark?'

            I fell.  Just simply couldn't hold myself up anymore and fell forward and buried my face in the old comforter of my bed.  Someone knocked on my door.

            "Come in," I yelled, voice muffled the covers.

            "Are you, okay?"

            "Haku!"  I sat up quickly.  The world spun before my eyes and I had to close them for a moment.

            Haku chuckled softly and sat on the edge of my bed.  "How do you feel?"

            I opened my eyes to glare at him, but he seemed unfazed.  He just sat and looked at me, grinning slightly.

            "I feel like a silly little child with a head cold."  He chuckled again, very softly.  "Why are you here?"

            His smile faded at my cold tone.  "I just wanted to see you home safely."

            "No, Haku, I mean why did you come back?  After eleven years why even bother to come back?"

            "We missed you."

            "'We?'"

            "Yes.  Didn't I say that before?  Everyone at the Abura-ya misses you."  He reached out and tried to take my hand.

            I pulled my hand away.  "Yeah, and how long did it take you to miss me?  Huh?  How many years went by before someone said 'Hey!  What happened to that Sen person?'"

            "Chihiro, calm down."

            "Calm down!  Calm down!  How can I?  Do you have any idea-" The yelling was too much.  I was hit by a wave of nausea that made me stop and close my eyes.

            "Chihiro?"  He reached out to touch me again.

            "Don't touch me!" I shouted, knocking his hand away.  "Why?  Why now?  Why the hell did you wait eleven years?"

            "It's…it's complicated."

            "Complicated, huh?  I'm not a little child anymore, Haku!  You can't just blow me off like that!  I can handle 'complicated!'"

            "Shush.  Chihiro, stop yelling."  He sighed and bowed his head a little.  "It's really hard to get out of one of Yu-baba's contracts, and most people don't want to.  She went easy on you, Chihiro, because she liked you."

            "But didn't-"  He looked up at me with a strange expression and I bit back my words.

            "It's my turn to speak."  He paused for a moment and gave me a sad, apologetic look.  "I was bound not only to Yu-baba, but also to the Spirit World itself.  As a river spirit I should have been able to come to the human world only through my river.  I…I wasn't able to come until about four years ago."

            "Then why didn't you?"

            "Because I knew this would happen!" he shouted.

            I shrank back.  Haku never raised his voice.  Ever.

            He looked immediately apologetic.  "I'm sorry, Chihiro."

            I stared at him, a little embarrassed and extremely angry.  His apology only made me angrier.  "What do you mean 'this would happen?'"

            "I knew you'd have forgotten all bout us and that you'd be angry at me, that…that, well something like this would happen."

            "If you knew this would happen then why did you some back at all?"

            "We missed you.  How many times do I have to tell you that?  Look, everyone wanted to know how you were and what you were doing."

            "So they sent you to spy on me?"

            "Essentially, yes.  I didn't…It wasn't supposed to go like this."

            "Then why did it?  Why didn't you just see that I was perfectly happy without you and go home?"

            "You-"  He stopped and reconsidered his words.  "I saw you and…uh…"  He stopped again and seemed unsure of what to say next.

            "You saw Mak and me and got jealous, didn't you?  If you'd just left me alone, then…then…"  I stopped.  I couldn't talk.  I thought, all unwilling, of how it could have been.  Mark  would be alive, and probably dating Emi.  I'd be on speaking terms with my best friend.  I could just picture us as a happy little threesome.  It looked like some sitcom, some TV group, but I didn't really care.  It just…felt so perfect.  I could have been _happy_.

            Tears welled up in my eyes even though I brushed them away and tried desperately to get myself under control.  I couldn't.  I simply couldn't control my own body and I shook trying to keep the tears in.

            "Get out," I finally managed to squeak after a few moments of silence. 

            "Chihiro, I'm sorry."

            "Go away!"  I swung my fist at him, but he caught my wrist mid-swing.

            "Listen to me.  I can't change what happened.  I messed up, okay?  I know, and I'm truly sorry."

            "I-please just leave me alone."

            "Fine."  He let go of my hand and left.

            As soon as he left I fell over on my bed, pulled the pillow closer and cried into it.  I thought I was all out of tears, but somehow I found the last of my reserves.  Eventually I stopped, empty and exhausted.

            I sighed a bit, the slowly got up and walked downstairs.  I felt funny, like my mind was caught in quicksand.  All my thoughts were slow and sluggish and I really didn't want to think at all.  Mom and Dad were at the kitchen table talking softly.

            "Oh, hello Chihiro," Mom called, catching sight of me. 

            Dad turned around.  "Hey, baby.  How do you feel?"

            "Fine.  A bit tired."

            "Your friend left already."  I didn't miss the slight stress he put on the word 'friend.'

            "Oh?  He said he'd be leaving."  My parents just watched me, obviously wanting an explanation.

            "I need to go back, too."  I sighed and leaned against the wall.  "But not today.  I'm going to take some Advil and go back to sleep, okay?"

            I didn't wait for an answer.  I just went to the kitchen, got my medicine, and ran for my room.

            I was exhausted, but my sluggish thoughts still wouldn't let me sleep.  I would miss Mark's service, but that couldn't be helped.  I could still pay my respects to his memory at least.  I didn't even care about what he did.  It didn't matter who was right and who was wrong anymore.  I was just so sick of crying myself to sleep that I no longer cared.  With that as my final thought, I finally fell asleep.

~*~*~*~

            The memorial to Mark was beautiful.  He'd been popular.  People used to call him nothing more than a pretty play-boy, but no one talked bad about the dead.  I stood in front of Mark's smiling picture trying to sort through my feelings.  I wasn't mad.  Emi had been right, sort of.  It wasn't my place to be mad at him after what I'd done.  I still thought they were wrong, but I just couldn't be mad.  Besides, it's had to be mad at a dead man.

            I just felt…sorry.  I regretted that he was dead.  He'd been a basically good guy and he deserved to live, no matter what he'd done to anyone.  So I was sad.  I stood in front of his picture and mourned.  And somehow, that was enough.

            "Sen?"

            I turned.  Emi was there, holding a vase with a beautiful flower arrangement.  I almost smiled.  The beauty of the arrangement would have been completely lost on Mark, had he been alive.

            "Hey, Emi."

            "You come."  I wasn't a question; she didn't sound the least bit surprised or angry.  It was just simple statement of fact.

            "Yeah, I'm here."

            She gave me a weak smile, then went up to the memorial, set down the vase, and bowed her head in prayer.  She came back to me when she was done.

            "I'm-"

            "Don't say it," I begged.  "Just don't say it."  I paused, on verge of tears.  But I wouldn't cry.  Not here, and not in front of Emi.  "I know you're sorry.  I am, too."

            We just stood there in silence, looking at the ground.  Being so close to Mark's memorial made me nervous.  I knew Emi wanted to talk.  That's just Emi's style; she had to talk everything to death.  But I wasn't ready.  And I was never much of a talker in the first place.

            "Um, I should go home, I guess.  The wind isn't good for my cold."

            "Yeah."

            I walked away slowly, leaning into the wind, trying not to think.  I pretty mush succeeded.  

~*~*~*~

            Hikaru came to visit me soon after school started.  I was shocked to see her.  We weren't the closest of friends, so I didn't expect her to come to my apartment.

            "Hi Hikaru.  Uh, come in."

            "Thanks."

            I stepped aside and she breezed into the room her usual confidence.  A movie was playing on the TV and my European History notes were strewn all across the table.

            "Whoah, I love this movie!  Must make it hard to study, though."

            "Uh, well, kinda."

            "Might as well quite pretending and just put the school work away," she laughed.  "So what have you been doing with yourself, huh?"

            "Hikaru, what do you want?"

            She spun around and looked at me with wide-eyed innocence.  "Well I just came over to visit my friend.  What's wrong with that?"

            "You never visit me.  Why now?"

            Hikaru laughed.  "That's just like you, Sen.  Always blunt."

            "And you're dodging the question, as usual."

            She laughed again.  "That's right, I am."  When I didn't say anything she sobered a bit.  "I just came to see what's up with you.  You really haven't been yourself lately.  Ever since that…ever since you came back from vacation.  You haven't been hanging out with Emi and you really look like you could use a friend."

            "Well, I'm fine, so you don't need to worry."

            "Come on, Sen.  You know I'm not going to buy that.  Did you and Emi ever make up?"

            I shifted uncertainly n my feet.  "Yeah."

            "You're a terrible lire, Sen."

            "We did."  I scowled at her.  "What's it to you, anyways?"  What do you want?"

            "Nothing.  I just want to talk to you."

            "Yeah, well go 'help' someone else.  I don't need it."

            Hikaru looked shocked.  "What's wrong with you, Sen?  You've always been the nicest person."

            "Nothing is wrong with me!"  I flopped down on my couch.  I knew I was acting like a sullen three year old, but I didn't really care.  This girl was bugging me.

            "Yeah right.  You've been anti-social since before vacation and no one can even say 'Hello' to you without getting their head bitten off."  She walked over and sat on coffee table facing me.  "I know you're still mad over the whole Maruk thing, but you're taking this too far."

            "What are you talking about?  I haven't done anything to anyone."  I got up and walked into the kitchen, but Hikaru followed me.

            "Sure you are.  Emi's heartbroken because you won't talk to her.  She's beating herself up over the whole thing.  And you're just sitting in here, probably ready to explode if you don't let off some steam.  And everyone's really worried about both of you."

            "Well, I never asked you to worry about me."

            "We're your friends.  It's our job."  She leaned against the kitchen door, folded her arms, and gave me a meaningful look.

            "Then you're fired."  I shoved my way past her.

            "Good God, Sen!  What's wrong with you?  You never used to act like this!"

            "There's nothing wrong with me, okay?"  I flopped down on the couch and Hikaru simply flopped down next to me.  I stared sullenly at the wall.

            "Okay fine.  I'll take a wild guess.  You're torn up because you just can't stand still being in a fight with your best friend."

            "Huh?"

            "Please, I'm your friend, too.  I know how you think.  You just can't stand to leave things open ended like this."

            I felt myself flush at being so transparent. 

            "Look, why don't you just-"

            "Call Emi?" I interrupted.  "Why don't I just call up my friend and then everything will be fixed and we'll be buddy-buddy again, right?  And then, once that's done, you and everyone else can be comfortable again, right?  That's why you're really here, isn't it?  Since you're friends with both Emi and me, you're uncomfortable.  If we get everything fixed, you can go back to living your comfy little, isn't that right?"  
            "Why won't you listen, Sen?  I just want-"

            "To help me.  I know.  Well I don't need it, okay?"  I got up and started walking away.  "I don't need you or Ha- or anyone else to come rescue me, okay?"

            "Rescue you?  This isn't about 'rescuing' anyone, okay?"

            "Then what is it about?"

            "You think you're being strong or whatever hiding out here in your apartment and not talking to anyone, but you're just throwing a fit like a stubborn little brat!"  He face softened a bit and she lowered her voice.  "Helpless people get rescued.  I just want you to see you're not helping anyone acting like this."

            "Get out."  I was impressed that I didn't yell.

            Hikaru let herself out.  "Call Emi," she said one last time, then closed the door behind her.

            I at on the couch again, scowling at the television.  The movie was still playing quietly in the background."

~*~*~*~

            "Moshi-moshi?"

            "Hey, Emi.  It's Sen." There was a long silence on the other end of the line.  "Uh, how are you doing?"

            "Uh, good?"

            "That's…good."

            There was another awkward silence as we both figured out what to say next.

            "So, uh…how was your vacation," Emi finally asked.  "I mean, besides the whole getting sick and coming home early and stuff."

            "Wha – oh, good, I guess."  I fidgeted and shifted the phone to my other ear.  The small talk made me nervous, but I couldn't quite figure out how to say what I wanted to say.  I couldn't even figure out what I wanted to say.  "Dad bought a new car."

            "Really?  What kind?"  I could tell Emi was nervous, could hear it in her voice.  She knew it wasn't my style to beat around the bush.

            "I don't know.  You know me and cars.  It's black though."

            "Oh?  That's cool."  Another long, tense silence.  "So, did you see Haku again?"

            "Yeah.  Uh…I mean…"  I grimaced.  Haku was the last subject I wanted to talk about, especially with Emi.

            "Oh, sorry."

            "Look, Emi, stop apologizing.  I know you're sorry, and…you know, I forgive you or whatever.  Can we just move on?"

            "Oh.  I guess so.  Is that why you called?"

            "Um…I think."  I had to smile a bit at my response and Emi giggled softly.  The whole exchange relieved me somehow, even though I knew the whole incident was far from forgotten.

            "So…Haku?"

            "Yeah.  What about him?"  He still made me nervous, but he seemed important to Emi for some reason.

            "Well, what happened?"

            "We had a fight and he left."

            "Oh.  So that's it?"

            "Yeah, that's it.  Why?"

            "It's just a shame, that's all."

            "What do you mean?"

            "It's a shame that you guys broke up.  Again.  After all, you're in love with him, aren't you?"

~End Chapter 3~

A.N.~ Hey!  It's kinda shorter this time and took longer that I expected to write.  Sorry!  But I'll make sure to be extra nice to Haku in the next chapter!  Let the mushyness begin! ^_^


	4. Love

Again Chapter 4 — Love

By Mako-chan

"After all, you're in love with him, aren't you?"

"WHAT?"

"You are in love with Haku," Emi said, speaking slowly as if I were an idiot.

"Well...uh, no I'm - I mean...why...what makes you think that?"

Emi giggled.  That giggle had never sounded more annoying.  "Come on, Sen.  It's written all over your face.  You've been all Haku, all the time, ever since he showed up again."

I pulled the phone away and stared in disbelief at the earpiece.  Emi was still talking and I caught bit and snatches of what she was saying.  But mind was elsewhere.  Me?  In love with Haku?  Could that even be possible?

"Sen!  Hey, Sen!"  Emi was obviously yelling, but with the phone in my lap I could just barely hear her voice.

"Huh?  Oh."  I picked up the phone again.  "Hey.  Sorry Emi."

"See?  That's just what I mean."

"Can we please change the subject?"

She sighed dramatically.  "Oh, I suppose."  I could hear the laughter in her voice.  "If you insist."

"Do you really enjoy torturing me this much?" I asked, relaxing a bit.  This kind of friendly banter was familiar.  

Suddenly Emi turned very serious and sober.  "No.  No, I don't- didn't mean to...uh..."

"Oh, no.  I didn't mean that.  It's okay."

Emi stayed silent for a moment.  "Sen, you know-"  She stopped short.

'You know I only want what's best for you.'  She'd said it a million times since I'd met her.  I knew that=s what she was about to say, but she didn't say it.

"Yeah, I know."

The uneasy silence came back to hang between us and sour.  I could tell she was thinking of Mark.  We both were.  She wasn't thinking of me then; she was thinking of herself.  But was that so bad? Was it really such a terrible thing to do?  I shook my head.  Emi more than deserved to please herself, especially after taking care of people like me.  Just not with MY boyfriend.

"Um, so, I guess I'll see you at school or something."  I know I was running, but I didn't really care.

"Yeah.  Bye, Sen."

"Bye Emi."

We hung up and I turned back to look at my apartment.  For the first time I noticed how...empty it was.  Usually the silence didn't bother me.  Then again, usually I didn't spend so much time alone.

'You're in love with him, aren't you?'  Her words came back to taunt me.  I closed my eyes and shook my head, trying to clear it.  I couldn't be in love with Haku.  I hated Haku.  Didn't I?

Haku's smile.  I suddenly thought of Haku's smile, and the way it pained me whenever he stopped.  I remembered the sound of his voice, his cool confidence, his strange sense of humor, even his annoying habit of never giving a strait answer.

"I am not in love with Haku!" I shouted.  The furniture didn't answer me so I sighed and turned on the TV.

So why was I running?  And what on Earth was I running from?  From Emi?  From Haku?  From friendship?  From love?

"And I'm not running," I grumbled to myself.  I wasn't running from Emi or Haku.  They'd both betrayed my trust.  But I didn't necessarily hate them, did I?  Or maybe I did?  Or maybe I was just avoiding the whole conflict by avoiding them?

I shook my head again, trying to clear the jumble of thoughts.  "This is what happens when you start thinking."

~*~*~*~

We just had to cover love poems in Foreign Literature class the next day.  It was fate.  Or maybe just some cruel joke someone decided to play on me.  Either way, I should have seen it coming.

Elizabethan love poems to be exact, an area in which Mitaki-sensei excelled.  I stared idly out the window as she droned on and on about the power of love, sounding like an old Sailor Moon re-run.

"Onigo!"

Mitaki-sensei's sharp call snapped my attention back to the classroom.

"Yes, Sensei?"

She frowned at me, then sighed and shook her head.  "You young people just can't appreciate this stuff until you've lived through it."

"Oh, but I have," I mumbled off-handedly, hardly aware of what I was saying.

"Good," Sensei said septically.  I gulped, unaware that she'd heard me.  "Then I'll want to see that reflected in your next assignment."  She stepped away, back to the front of the class, and I let out my breath in a sigh of relief.  "I want you all to write a Spenserian sonnet.  And yes, it does have to rhyme."

The while class grumbled slightly but I just stared stupidly at her.  Write a love poem?  The rhyming I could handle, but...love poem?  About love?

Sensei dismissed us and we scrambled to pack our things and leave.  I was slightly surprised to find Emi waiting for me by the door.

"Hey, Sen."

"Hey, Emi."

We just stood there, unsure of what to say, until we realized we were blocking the door.

"So, I had this weird craving for ice cream in middle of class," Emi explained in a rush.  "Want to come?"

"Sure."

We walked out of school together, talking and gossiping, becoming more at ease with each step.  By the time we reached the ice cream shop, we were chatting like old friends again, even able to discuss the events of Spring Break.  Emi told me of the deplorable, according to her, treatment given to her at her workplace.

"He did what?"

"Yup.  Called me childish and immature and right in front of a customer, no less!  And I always thought Sempai was more tactful!"

"Well, you are kinda whiney."

Emi glared at me, but I just smiled back, the very picture of innocence.

"I am not whiney."

"Sure you are.  You're whining right now."

She thought for a moment, then dismissed the comment with a wave of her hand.  "Okay, fine.  But he didn't have to say it with a customer right there."

"Okay, that's true."

We headed for the park, ice cream in hand, and plotted a suitable revenge to unleash on her co-worker.

"So what do you want to do tonight?"  Emi asked after we'd exhausted all the impossible choices for revenge.

"Well-"  I paused, thinking, then looked at Emi.  "What do you want to do?"

"Hm?"  She looked slightly surprised, not used to making the choice.  Then she grinned.  "How about a movie?"

~*~*~*~

I sat in my living room surrounded by wadded up scribbles, staring at a blank piece of paper.  The day before the sonnet was due and my well-spring of creativity was bone-dry.

I sighed, flopped over on the couch, and stared at the ceiling. Something was wrong, for I'd been trying to write something decent for over an hour.  I considered my approach; knowing my skills as a writer weren't exactly top notch meant I'd had to take a few writing classes.  The first thing one considers, supposedly, is the audience.  I thought about Sensei.  Then quickly shook my head, disgusted.  So I tried a different approach.  I thought of Haku.

I remembered our first meeting, on the bridge of the Abura-ya.  The thought almost made me smile.  I was so oblivious to the danger I was in, so naive, and he tried so hard to protect me.  Even when he didn't need to.  I smiled, thinking of the night at Zeniba's house and the way Haku showed up, all set to rescue me from the 'evil witch.'  And, of course, I remembered the incredible flight back to the bath house.

Standing on a bridge, searching for the sea,

So small, so lost, and so blind to my plight.

You found, you knew, you somehow rescued me.

On silent wings, childish fancy took flight.

For years after the trip, I held onto the memory of those days at the bath house.  I walked through life, clinging to it like a safety blanket.  I cherished it, and Haku's promise that we would meet again.  For a while, it was a pleasant memory.  Then, as years passed, it soured.  Each memory became tainted, for I couldn't think of the Abura-ya without feeling a strange sense of loss, of sadness and loneliness.  I missed them.  Thinking back, the whole set-up sounded like a bad soap opera.  But instead of becoming depressed, I just sort of...wandered.  I was lost, unable to find anything.  I moved back and forth from the world of reality and the world of memories and dreams, unable to find my way out, unable to decide what I wanted.  After five years of wandering, of being left behind and watching my life slip by unnoticed, I was tired.  I just wanted to be normal.  Determined to make up for lost time, to prove in some perverse way that I didn't need my Spirit World friends, I became so fiercely independent, so suddenly mature, that it was like waking up from a dream.  And I even, eventually decided the whole thing must have been nothing more than just that.  A dream.

Standing in the dark, it's not yet night

Searching through my soul, just to hear your name

I try to find myself, I'm blinded by my sight

For just the fancy of Whim, my heart is but a game

And then, Haku came back.  He kept his promise and came waltzing back into my life, though I doubted Haku had ever waltzed before.  And I simply couldn't accept it.  I couldn't stand that he had come back and proven me wrong all these years.  After everything I'd been through, all that work to convince myself that it wasn't real, all so that I could have a normal life.  And then he had go and prove me wrong.  But worse than that, he made me wonder.  All those years I thought I just wanted a normal life and the Haku shows me something so incredible, a life so attainable, I wondered what I really wanted.  He made me fall in love with him all over again.  So confused.  I thought I just wanted him out of my life, but I didn't.  Did I?

                        You're back in my life, finding me in shame

                        I try to push away, but can't push you out

                        The name I've so longed for now brings me pain

                        Though never true hurt.  What does really count?

            I sighed and leaned back on my couch, staring at my paper.  It needed an ending, but what?  My own story didn't have an ending.  I didn't even know how I wanted it to end.  I just wanted to stop feeling so…incomplete.

                        Standing all alone, silent companion of the moon,

                        Yet my heart forever cries, 'come, please, home to me soon.'

            I re-read my poem.  Not my best effort, but at one in the morning it would just have to do.  I left the paper on the table, stumbled into my room, and crawled into bed.  Too tired for the full-impact of my efforts to hit me, I was left with one thought before I fell asleep.  'I love Haku.'

~*~*~*~

            A week later, we got our poems back.

            "A 'B!'  She gave me a 'B!' Minus!"

            Emi laughed quietly as I ranted.

            "She has no idea how hard I worked on that thing!  No idea!  It was SOOO much better than a stinking B minus!"

            "Sen, you did say it wasn't your best."

            "Yeah, but it was better than a B minus."

            "Can I read it?"

            I paused, looking at my feet as we walked away from the school.  I still hesitated to talk to Emi about Haku.  "No."

            "Oh, well, okay then."  She grinned to herself, knowing full well what my poem was about.

            I had to blush a bit.  "Yeah, well, so it wasn't really that great, I guess."

            "So, what are you going to do now?"

            "Huh?"

            "You know.  About him."

            "What?  There's nothing left to do.  We've parted ways, remember?  It's over."

            "You wrote him a love poem."

            "I wrote my teacher a love poem."  I stopped, realizing what I'd just said.  "I mean, oh you know what I mean."

            She grinned at me.  "If it's just an assignment, why are you getting so upset?"

            I shrugged and sighed.  It really was pointless trying to hide anything from Emi.  "Okay, fine.  You got me.  But like I said, there's nothing left to do.  So there."

            "Talk to him."

            "What?"

            She gave a mighty, dramatic sigh.  "Just go up to him and say, 'Haku-'"

            "But…we…I…the fight.  What if he's mad at me?  Or won't talk to me?"  I sounded pathetic, even to my own ears, and Emi picked up on that right away.

            "Doesn't matter.  Talk to him anyway."

            I hesitated, still trying to justify myself to her.  "Yeah, but…I don't know where he is."

            She gave me a side-long look and a rather devil-ish grin.  "Yes you do."  She rolled her eyes heaven-ward with an exasperated sigh.  "Good Gracious, Sen, anything's better than the way you are now."

            "Huh?"

            "You think we can't tell?  It's written all over your face."  She threw her arms out and skipped down the street, singing, "You are hopelessly in love with Haku."

            I couldn't help but smile a little, despite the over-the-top teasing.  Emi came back, grinning impishly.  "Okay, fine," I conceded.  "It's true.  So what?"

            "So what!"  Emi groaned and rolled her eyes again.  "So go tell him."

            "But-"

            "No buts, Sen," she scolded, wagging a finger at me.  Suddenly her face fell and her voice became softer.  "Go tell him."

            She sounded so earnest, so desperate, that I had to glance at her face.  She was frowning down at her feet.  We walked in silence the rest of the way home.

~*~*~*~

            Mom was surprised to see me.  In all honesty, I was surprised to find myself back home.

            "Chihiro?"

            "Hi, Mom."

            "Um, come in."  She stepped to one side, brows pulled together in a look of extreme confusion.  "Is something wrong?"

            "Um, no, not really."  I stepped inside and looked around, nervous and jumpy.  "I just, uh, forgot something"

            Mom nodded, completely unconvinced, and just continued staring at me.  I blushed, feeling more and more nervous the more she stared at me.

            "Yeah, so, I'm going to go get it now."

            I ran up to my room and left her, still shocked, in the living room.  In my bedroom, I headed strait for the dresser and rummaged through the top drawer.  After a few minutes of desperate salvaging, I finally found it.  Underneath many forgotten photo albums I found the small purple hair-tie.  Wandering over to the window, I absently tied back my long, brown hair.

            Outside, the forest spread out like a carpet of green with the afternoon sun creating pockets of darker shadows.  Squinting my eyes, I could just barely make out the small dirt road.  The Abura-ya, and Haku, were out there.  And I would find them, no matter what.  I was tired of 'wandering about like a lost, love-sick child,' as Emi was now fond of saying.

            "Chihiro?"

            I turned.  Mom was standing there, in the open doorway, watching me with a strange expression.  I wondered how much she had already guessed.

            "I'd better go.  It's getting late."

            She smiled.  "Tell Mr. Tanashi hello for me, will you?"

            I blushed, then nodded shyly.  "Okay.  I'll tell him."

End Ch 4

Author's Note:  Hehehehe.  I am evil. }:P  Sorry this chapter is so late and so short.  I've been really busy.  And you guys have no idea what I had to go through with my piece 'o crap computer to get this to you guy.  Just goes to show how much I love you all. ^_^  Hopefully the next one will go quicker.  And hopefully it'll have Haku in it.


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